2007-03-12T13:26:00.000-07:00

I found him. Almost 2 years later and I've found him. He's doing well I think...doing photography a lot. I think I might buy one of his prints...

2006-09-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

So I've been thinking a lot about M. I remember one day at the Mexican open air market. It was a hot day outside, the middle of summer sometime, when sometime was no time in particular. There were swirls of color and smell all around and nothing caught your eye except everything all at once. Then I remember it was his eyes. I wondered why this man was looking at me like he was. He made me nervous.
That seems like forever ago now. I havent seen him in a year. During long car rides and at night when I cant sleep I imagine meeting him again.
There's another one now. L. I dont like the way he looks at me. He's just lonely. And he thinks he needs me. Im too used to this. Same old story. Except this time I dont care. I still want M. M never needed me, he just looked at me like he wanted me. L thinks Im the answer to his problems. Thinks Im "deep".
I cant be someone Im not, but the more I am myself, the more he likes me. He told me he loved me. On instant messanger. Who does that? And in person, he doesnt say things like that. He's got no guts. Not that I want him coming on to me. Its just that if youre going to do it, do it right, good grief.
I read Rumi and Kahlil Gibran and Wayne Dyer. He eats fast food daily. Im trying to understand the secrets of life and unconditional love and he's too wraped up in ego to survive on a day to day basis.
I feel so far past him. Like I took this test a long time ago. All his pitfalls and shortcomings that he's bound by are meaningless to me. So trivial, yet they encompass his whole world.
There's so much ego.
And my Mark. He's so wonderful and I love him. I've actually cried for the pure joy of love coming out of me. He's my mentor and friend and father. And he loves me so completely and without reason.
"Take a deep breath and picture relaxing into a big hug like we shared on Sabbath...Let the stress melt into that hug...and disappear...Namaste."
"I hardly have words...But to thank you for experiencing this great love with me....Namaste."
"Anytime...My love is as deep and real as I can experience...And you are there...Immersed and surrounded by the same sheltering warmth...I love you"
"Oh I love you too Mark"
"I know...I feel deeply honored and cherished...And I want you to know that feeling from me...Our soul connection is sacred...and is what this life in physical form is about..."
"I woulnt have it any other way..."
"Neither would she ; )"

2006-09-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'll be able to speak here...
I'm just tired of censoring what I say.
And you don't know me from eve.

This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Inevitable Truth